Monday 29 July 2019

Goode Cause

As the Cobblers opener against Walsall draws ever nearer, we can reveal one likely notable absence from the ntfc side set to face the Saddlers.

Charlie Goode has indicated to manager Keith Curle that he is unhappy to play and will be for all intents and purposes "downing tools" due to the continued use of single use plastics at the PTS Academy stadium.

The former Scunthorpe man won over town fans with his full blooded performances last season and is equally as passionate about the impact of plastic on the environment.

The Fulham youth product said: "I sat down early in the summer with the Gaffer and am excited by almost everything they are trying to achieve at the club but cannot turn a blind eye to the club's lack of policy on plastics and the fact that at least east 267 different species have been affected by plastic pollution in the ocean.
100,000 marine animals are killed by plastic bags annually. One in three leatherback sea turtles have been found with plastic in their stomachs.

Plastic bags are used for an average of 12 minutes.

It takes 500 (or more) years for a plastic bag to degrade in a landfill. Unfortunately the bags don't break down completely but instead photo-degrade, becoming microplastics that absorb toxins and continue to pollute the environment.

To put this in to context, Northampton Town Football  Club was formed in 1897.
The average League 1 and 2 player is signed to a one or two year contract. I know this is unlikely but in 500 years time the East Stand situation may have been resolved yet as a society we will still be in a situation where seagulls are getting their beaks stuck in those plastic things they hold four packs of beer together with. Unacceptable."

Friday 26 July 2019

Guest Blogger Cobblers Goalkeeping Coach Dan Watson: Forbidden Love  









Hi Cobblers fans,

Phew what a scorcher of a Summer it has been!



Things have really been hotting up in the battle for the Cobblers number one shirt but away from football the battle for the number one job in UK politics is over. Congrats to Boris Johnson from all at the PTS academy stadium.



The new Prime Minister is of course good friends with local Northants lad Earl Spencer and this got me thinking and the old imagination going! So join me for another instalment of Dan Watson’s Fan Fiction Theatre. The year is 1981, the location Althorp House:






Forbidden Love




It was the aftermath of the annual Althorp autumn croquet tournament. The wine and conversation flowed, evening turned to night and the thoughts of one Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson turned to other matters..



"Charles old chap, where is the Camembert?"
"Honestly Johnson, thinking with ones stomach as usual! Try the guest kitchen, the staff have gone to bed now so help yourself" said the future Earl Spencer.

Fumbling round in the dark hoping the light of the fridge would guide him, Johnson paused as he heard a gentle sniffing sound.

The Eton schoolboy thought perhaps a fox or pheasant had wandered in from the Althorp estate. He was all set to obliterate the beast with his croquet mallet. When he turned on the kitchen light he would be forgiven for mistaking the eyes staring back at him for those of a lost deer.



It was Diana, Princess of Wales.


"Di! What are you doing here?!"


The Princess, tears in her eyes, swallowed.


"I..just visiting mum and dad, Boris isn't it?"


She knows my name..compose yourself Johnson of course she knows your name thought Boris..but why the tears?


"Is everything all right? Is Her Majesty in good health? The Queen Mother? DIANA HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THE QUEEN MOTHER!?"



Diana looked up from her cocoa, stifling a smile.



"Oh that old war horse will outlive us all, don’t worry about her. No I'm afraid this problem is all too close to home. It’s Prince Charles, Boris. I don’t think he loves me. I don’t even think he knows what love is.."


Boris listened intently as Diana confided in him her suspicions that Charles was having a secret affair with Camilla Parker Bowles and Boris told Diana of his worries that the EEC would over time transform into a federal state, taking away Britain's status as a sovereign nation.

An hour later the pair were sprawled across the dining room chairs. Diana giggled.


"What is it Di? Don't tell me you too think this country's glory days are in the past?"

"Oh Boris, I had no idea you were like this, I always thought of you as one of my little brother's silly school chums, but look at you now, a man."


"And look at you now, a Princess" 



"I get so lonely rattling around in that big palace on my own..."



Nine months later on the steps of St Mary's hospital, London, photographers jockeyed for position to get a good shot of the blonde haired heir to the throne.


In the dormitory in Eton there was much banging of desks and shouting of "hip hip hooray" when the house master told the boys the good news:


"Some traditions are eternal. This child's grandmother can rely on Eton boys to run the country for her and keep Britain Great, and when, no doubt in the 21st century this child’s father leads the country.."


"As Prime Minister" Boris muttered to himself..

"What are you blathering on about now Johnson?" Asked Charles.

"Nothing Spencer, come on let's sneak out for a cigarette and a game of wiff waff with Darius Guppy. Last one to the table is a member of the working or middle classes.."




THE END

Monday 8 July 2019

HOSKINS ELONGATED SKULL DISCOVERY

He may often struggle to find the back of the net, but Cobblers attacking midfielder Sam Hoskins has used his summer break to uncover an unusual find, a mysterious shaped skull!



The former Yeovil man made the surprising discovery during an excavation in Alsace, France, when he uncovered a substantially elongated skull dating back 1,500 years. The ex Southampton youth prospect immediately contacted  Cobblers gaffer Keith Curle asking if the club could extend his time off in to mid August as the discovery prompted Sam to extend his search over 7.5 acres, which resulted in the discovery of an abundance of artefacts, human and animal remains from Neolithic, Gallic, Gallo-Roman, and Merovingian societies. It is not known if the former Preston North End loanee will meet up with the rest of the Cobblers first team squad on the preseason tour of Spain.








Hoskin’s agent said “The skull appears to have been intentionally elongated through the practice known as cranial deformation, which is usually associated with ancient Mesoamerican cultures and was practiced extensively in Europe, Africa, Asia, and South America. The important question is of course why? To answer this Sam will need to carry out further research and examine the other finds which in reality will mean him missing Walsall at home, Port Vale and possibly the EFL Cup tie at Swansea.”



This follows the news from earlier in the week that Dai Cornell had successfully excavated part of the tomb of Qin Shi Huang.