Hi Cobblers fans,
Phew what a scorcher of a Summer it has been!
Things have really been hotting up in the battle for the Cobblers number one shirt but away from football the battle for the number one job in UK politics is over. Congrats to Boris Johnson from all at the PTS academy stadium.
The new Prime Minister is of course good friends with local Northants lad Earl Spencer and this got me thinking and the old imagination going! So join me for another instalment of Dan Watson’s Fan Fiction Theatre. The year is 1981, the location Althorp House:
Forbidden Love
It was the aftermath of the annual Althorp autumn croquet tournament. The wine and conversation flowed, evening turned to night and the thoughts of one Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson turned to other matters..
"Charles old chap, where is the Camembert?"
"Honestly Johnson, thinking with ones stomach as usual! Try the guest kitchen, the staff have gone to bed now so help yourself" said the future Earl Spencer.
"Honestly Johnson, thinking with ones stomach as usual! Try the guest kitchen, the staff have gone to bed now so help yourself" said the future Earl Spencer.
Fumbling round in the dark hoping the light of the fridge would guide him, Johnson paused as he heard a gentle sniffing sound.
The Eton schoolboy thought perhaps a fox or pheasant had wandered in from the Althorp estate. He was all set to obliterate the beast with his croquet mallet. When he turned on the kitchen light he would be forgiven for mistaking the eyes staring back at him for those of a lost deer.
It was Diana, Princess of Wales.
"Di! What are you doing here?!"
The Princess, tears in her eyes, swallowed.
"I..just visiting mum and dad, Boris isn't it?"
She knows my name..compose yourself Johnson of course she knows your name thought Boris..but why the tears?
"Is everything all right? Is Her Majesty in good health? The Queen Mother? DIANA HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THE QUEEN MOTHER!?"
Diana looked up from her cocoa, stifling a smile.
"Oh that old war horse will outlive us all, don’t worry about her. No I'm afraid this problem is all too close to home. It’s Prince Charles, Boris. I don’t think he loves me. I don’t even think he knows what love is.."
Boris listened intently as Diana confided in him her suspicions that Charles was having a secret affair with Camilla Parker Bowles and Boris told Diana of his worries that the EEC would over time transform into a federal state, taking away Britain's status as a sovereign nation.
An hour later the pair were sprawled across the dining room chairs. Diana giggled.
An hour later the pair were sprawled across the dining room chairs. Diana giggled.
"What is it Di? Don't tell me you too think this country's glory days are in the past?"
"Oh Boris, I had no idea you were like this, I always thought of you as one of my little brother's silly school chums, but look at you now, a man."
"And look at you now, a Princess"
"I get so lonely rattling around in that big palace on my own..."
Nine months later on the steps of St Mary's hospital, London, photographers jockeyed for position to get a good shot of the blonde haired heir to the throne.
In the dormitory in Eton there was much banging of desks and shouting of "hip hip hooray" when the house master told the boys the good news:
"Some traditions are eternal. This child's grandmother can rely on Eton boys to run the country for her and keep Britain Great, and when, no doubt in the 21st century this child’s father leads the country.."
"As Prime Minister" Boris muttered to himself..
"What are you blathering on about now Johnson?" Asked Charles.
"Nothing Spencer, come on let's sneak out for a cigarette and a game of wiff waff with Darius Guppy. Last one to the table is a member of the working or middle classes.."
THE END
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