Boys Behind Bars Backfires on Brady!

Special report by our football correspondent "throw in" 

Cobblers manager Jon Brady was left red faced after an attempt at a team bonding exercise caused him to be without 6 first team players for the week.

The enigmatic Aussie was inspired to reenact the Stanford Prison Experiment with the first team squad this past Wednesday after hearing a podcast about it on the way back from Charlton.

Unfortunately, after splitting the group into prisoners and officers - 10 unnamed staff including 6 players were locked in a makeshift “holding cell” (matchday escape room) for 3 days, when “Prison Sergeant” Sam Hoskins misplaced the key.

“Nobody was really sure what was to be gained from doing this to begin with” one furious club insider scowled. After locking up after recreation time, Sam Hoskins quickly got tearful before reluctantly revealing he’d put the keys down somewhere and now couldn’t remember where.

The situation was made worse when club chairman Kelvin Thomas found out about the issue. The unnamed insider said that the chairman was said to be furious that the matchday escape room was being used, and forbid anybody stuck in there from creating a makeshift toilet, as it would cost the club “considerable matchday revenue” in the future.

It wasn’t until Saturday morning, that Hoskin’s grandmother found the keys in his lunch box, after emptying his kit bag for its weekly wash - he’d put them there when he had his midmorning snack of dairylea dunkers.

When asked for comment, ex Rushden and Diamonds man Brady shook his head “it was a bad few days, I only expected the experiment to go as intended - with the lads in the role of prison officers mistreating and possibly tormenting the lads who were prisoners. It was silly of me not to foresee that some kind of mishap would befall us”.

However, with the first team recently getting a valuable point at promotion chasing Doncaster Rovers, Bradey wouldn’t rule out trying the experiment again.

“My job is to win football matches and conduct research into human behaviour on behalf of the PTS Academy. If I let one setback deter me from trying new things, then I’d never learn anything”.

The Cobblers play Oxford United this evening in League One.

Anniversary Shirt Special Edition

2022 will be a milestone year for Northampton Town Football Club and now all Cobblers Supporters can celebrate this with a special commemorative shirt!

It was what feels like 125 years ago that David Cardoza announced plans and intentions to expand Sixfields stadium (but get someone else to pay for it). A historic legacy that continues to this day.

To celebrate this a special one off edition shirt with the full high court judgement of Northampton Borough Council vs Cardoza embroided into it is available to all tax payers left affected by the unpaid loan.

Poles Apart!

Cobblers fans are once again bracing themselves for the latest delay in the redevelopment saga and this time the reason is literally out of this world!

Scientists believe 780,000 years ago, the north and south poles reversed and swapped position. It may be about to happen again, with devastating effects on the club's plans to expand the east stand.

Many facets of Cobblers fan's lives depend on the Earth’s magnetic field, anchored by the North and South poles, from the electrical grid that powers their computers allowing them to watch buffering footage of the club in action on I follow to the satellites many of them are looking forward to use to tune in to GB News. A polar switch may be about to happen again, some scientists believe, with potentially disastrous results for the 2020 league two playoff winners.

A geomagnetic reversal is a change in a planet's magnetic field such that the positions of magnetic north and magnetic south are interchanged (not to be confused with geographic north and geographic south). The Earth's field has alternated between periods of normal polarity, in which the predominant direction of the field was the same as the present direction, and reverse polarity, in which it was the opposite. These periods are called chrons (not to be confused with the local Northampton newspaper whose reporters apparently had no idea what was going on behind the scenes when the original land deal to redevelop the East stand went awry).

Professor of pole-ology at PTS academy university and retired NASA scientist Chad Huckle explained; "We are literally looking at a scenario where north becomes south and south becomes north. This would cause chaos as the North Stand would become the away end and South the home. Best to put things on hold even more with the East stand until things are a bit clearer as in a post covid world this could lead to confusion as the lads in the South corner of the west stand would be spending the entire game chanting and gesturing to their fellow cobblers in the south stand, I mean north. Come on lads we're all Cobblers!"

There is also the question that if the North and South poles were to swap, would  Northampton Town football club become Southampton town football club and play in the Premier league and would the South coast outfit be prepared to up sticks and play in League One?

In more positive news, fan favourite Nicky Adam's would likely return to the club as he'd feel more at home playing in the club's new more northern setting. (But only if the club were relegated to league two).

Other problems the polar switch could create such as the destruction of the ozone layer and the world's satellite system, environmental catastrophe and mass extinction are being debated by a committee made up of experts from the University of Columbia, NASA scientists, the United Nations and the Shoe Army Facebook group.