An open letter to the club and supporters trust from all staff members at Scoops.

Over the past few years, us here at scoops have become increasingly frustrated at the inaction and dithering of both the club and the supporters' trust.

For the past 8 years the club has had to exist without a big part of its infrastructure. It has suffered greatly as a result. 

Thats why it’s time to put aside petty squabbling and work together to put things right.

It’s time to bring back the big man aka the beast aka the strongest footballer in the world on fifa aka Adebayo Akinfenwa.

We here at Scoops have been subject to bullying and name calling on social media for our position. We’ve been called Gollum01604, Cake More, Gluten Free Arsehole (apologies, but your words not mine), The worlds only fat vegetarian, a knob (again apologies, but your words not mine), Marxist clowns, Go-ing (to be dead by xmas if he keeps drinking as much as he is), a self promoting attention seeker who once put darren carter on ebay, the spanish flu (we didn’t understand this one), King Shit Lips (see previous), screech from saved by the bell, rabbit teeth, sexless virgins, never at away games, to name just a few.

It’s time for the club and supporters trust to stop the abuse we’re getting because we want to bring Adebayo Akinfenwa home.

Thank you for listening to this thing I’ve written down. And Up the Cobblers!

#stoponlineabuse #bekindonline #bringbayohome

Open day line up leaked!

Its the most wonderful time of the year for Northampton Town fans - the PTS Academy Stadium open day.

A chance rarely afforded to the simple folk of Northampton, a chance to hobnob, chin wag and eavesdrop on the sporting elite of the large midlands town.

Scoops are delighted today to bring you the LEAKED lineup for the open day.

Splat the rat 

In an attempt to remind cobblers fans of his role in bringing an end to David Cardoza’s reign of terror, supergrass & CEO James Whiting will be donning a rat costume and has agreed to be hit with foam bats.

“I’m the good guy!” Whiting squealed when approached for comment. “Yes I did turn a blind eye to a lot of what David was doing for a few years, but I did actually let everybody know what was going on when it looked like i might go to prison as well!”

It’s £1 a go and if you pay £10 you can use your own bat.

Shooting Practice with Sam “Sammy” Hoskins

Want to practice your shooting? Well come on down to the open day. Sam Hoskins is going to be putting on a costume covered in targets. Kids will be given a paintball gun and will fire paint at Sammy whilst he runs around the goal mouth trying hard.

It’s £1 a go and if you pay £10 you can use your own gun

Who wants to play in goal next season raffle

Want to play in goal for NTFC next season? Well you’ve got to be in it to win it. The popular competition returns for the 4th year, with this seasons “gaffers” Jon and Col hosting a raffle to decide who lines up between the sticks next season, as the new “teyn” number one!

Its £1 a strip, but also if you’re mum and dad can “donate” £10,000 to belle du joir holdings, it can be fixed so you win.

Mystic Kelvin

Spend 20 minutes gazing into our magical chairman's cgi crystal ball (previously belonged to David Cardoza) and the last 5 years will be forgotten. You'll come out saying "he saved us, we almost didn't have a club before he came in".

Also get free endorsement for your facebook group and/or podcast!

BUMBLING CLUB OFFICIALS ACCIDENTALLY REGISTER NEW SIGNINGS WITH “ELF” INSTEAD OF EFL.

By Throw In

Embarrassment this week as due to a typo club officials accidentally registered the new signings of Nicke Kabamba and Mitch Pinnock with a mythical Elf, instead of the English Football League (EFL).

No blushes were spared at the PTS Academy Stadium, as the Chief Executive and Press Officer who run the club, weren’t aware of the typo until being contacted by the Elf himself!

Scoops was able to reach the Elf (King Elf of the Woods) for comment “I wasn’t really up to much, just pottering around my forest kingdom. I thought to myself ‘ah i haven’t been in touch with the elf who is in charge of the kingdom of dreams in a while, I’ll drop him an elf mail’. Much to my surprise when I logged into my special magic elf mail portal, I saw I had three emails from Northampton Town Football Club!” 

Where Gareth Wilshner's email ended up

Given we’ve only announced two new signings so far, we at Scoops were surprised to hear there were three emails. We wondered if King Elf of the Woods could maybe give us some inside knowledge on who may be the mystery third man. Worryingly the third email wasn’t about that at all “The third email was for the energy company EDF.  I understand they supply some of the power in the human realm. Anyway if i was an NTFC supporter, I’ll say one thing -bring a torch to night games next season”.

King Elf of the woods contacted the club through twitter to let them know of their mistake. “I tagged on the customary, ‘not a Northampton town fan, but will look out for your scores every saturday from now on’ to be polite. Next thing I was getting all sorts of offers”.

Savvy podcasts and supporters groups, knowing they had an opportunity to attract new support from the “Elf Dominion” started fighting over who was going to get him what. The Shoe Lickers facebook group offered to pay for his ifollow season ticket, so he could watch Sam Hoskins miss open goals in 240p resolution. The it's all cobblers to me podcast offered to buy the elf a shirt. Whilst the New Hotel End , offered to make him a very small safe standing terrace behind the goal, for him and his elf friends.

How the East Stand may look in the future

“All the offers have been very generous, but due to my busy elf schedule I doubt I’ll make it to a game next season” lamented the elf before continuing “However, much like the New Hotel End, if you believe in me hard enough, however fantastical or implausible i may be - i will be at the pts academy stadium next season”.

Cobblers Scoops is unsure if the club have rectified the registration error, so if you’re the supporter of another league club who's interested in two former Kilmarnock players nobody has ever heard of, just keep it to yourself alright?