Wednesday 17 May 2017

Doomsday Clock Moves to One and a Half Minutes to Midnight.

Experts announced the world is closer than ever to global catastrophe in a chilling warning last night. The rise of strident nationalism, the current Trump administration's attitude toward climate change and rising tensions with North Korea were all determining factors. However, in a shocking development, the hypothetical Doomsday Clock was turned forward a further minute to represent civilization being on the brink of Armageddon after a rival fan posted on another club's message board without beginning their post with the greeting: "Hi guys, Mansfield fan in peace".

Campbell Bettles, spokesperson for the Bulletin of Atomic scientists, who have maintained the hypothetical clock at the University of Chicago every year since 1947 said: "this is an unprecedented development, comparable to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in 1914."

UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres commented: "This is a clear breach of UN Message-board protocol, it is highly likely this will cause irrevocable damage to humanity."

Last night the unwitting fan at the centre of the row, STAG4LIFE proclaimed his innocence: "I only wanted to know how Paul Anderson would get on this season. We seem to be signing a lot of players from Northampton lately, Joel Byrom has done well from what I've seen of him but I was worried with Anderson that we would have another Alfie Potter on our hands."

To make matters worse the thread was soon locked after an eagle eyed forum member spotted that a similar thread also mentioning Anderson's move had already been started following Zander Diamond's move to the East Midlands side, who finished 12th in League 2 this season.

Theresa May announced an emergency gathering of the COBRA committee to discuss the likely fall out from. In the event of nuclear war the NTFC supporters trust confirmed the car boot sale scheduled for 25th June would still be going ahead.



No comments:

Post a Comment