Whether it's wanting to know the motives of owners past and present or asking "questions" about the land behind the East Stand, all right minded Cobblers fans, particularly the same 12 blokes on the Hotel End forum, will tell you the Northampton Town FC supporters trust are a bunch of meddling, unrealistic time wasters who do not speak for the majority of supporters and should be kept well away from the running of the club. However, local reporter Logan McClickbait, can reveal, this shadowy group of weirdos are also responsible for some of the greatest crimes in history..
The Sinking of the Titantic
A recent exhibition at Northampton Museum was a perfect opportunity for a piece on local history, and as the museum is in the town centre it meant plenty of engagement on Facebook with readers leaving tens of cry laughter emojis, comments about too many flats and Turkish barbers.
However, while glancing through the records for passengers with a local connection, I was horrified to discover Northampton man and Cobblers fan Alfred Burton was responsible for the sinking of the unsinkable and deaths of over 1,500 passengers.
Burton, who was on the liner travelling to visit family in the United States, wrote to a fellow member of the then Northampton and district association football advancement society. The letter, written months later reads;
"Dear Edward,
Please forgive the lateness of my correspondence. As you can imagine, attempting to recall the unspeakable horrors I witnessed that evening have somewhat preoccupied my mind in recent days and expressing these recollections to paper has been most painful a labour.
As you may remember, the most pressing concern of us followers of Northampton in April 1912 was the imminent departure of our beloved general manager Herbert Chapman to Leeds.
Myself and one Frederick Fleet and his colleague Reginald Lee, were onboard the deck speaking of association football. I introduced the two likeable fellows to ales I had packed, brewed by Phipps and a good time was being had by all.
What shall haunt me until my dying day is that while I lectured the two on how team selections should be voted on by a supporters committee, I distracted them from their duties as look out. When they did spot the fatal iceberg it was too late and the ship did not have time to change course.
To add further to my woes I have since learned SOS telegrams sent from RMS Titanic were initially ignored by other ships as my attempts to contact the British mainland with my ideas for the 1912/13 player's uniform were causing confusion and annoyance in the Atlantic."
Assassination of JFK
As a local newspaper with national affiliations, we also report on stories from further afield which capture the public imagination. Having the headline "Beloved TV star in shock death", at the top of the page will get readers all around the country clicking, even if the actor in question is only known in Chile. It was while reporting on an international story, President Trump's release of thousands of files on the JFK assassination, I couldn't help but notice evidence which placed the supporters trust firmly at the centre of the story.
Its well known Lee Harvey Oswald defected to the Soviet Union, what may shock some though is that before his return to the United States in 1961, he spent two months in England awaiting the US state department to sanction his return to Dallas. Having missed the western lifestyle, Oswald's diary mentions his enjoyment of a Northampton Town home victory against Barrow and the subsequent
visit to a public house on the Wellingborough Road with a group of "Cobblers fanatics".
Following this happy reintroduction to the western world, Oswald appears to have renounced his Communist ways and writes about wishing to return to "the good ol USA" where he can enjoy the life of an "every day joe".
Prior to his return however, Oswald is persuaded to attend a series of games, which ends with a three nil defeat to Peterborough, following this and a session in a pub "putting the world to rights" with fellow Cobblers appears to have inflicted permanent psychological damage on Oswald which he, and the Western world, would never fully recover from.
Oswald's previously unreleased medical records show that following his arrest a psychological examination was carried out on him in Dallas during which time he was heard mumbling about "Mills running like a fairy" and sporadic shouts of "get rid of it Lines".
I've scoured through hundreds of documents. Oswald was found to have a membership card to "Northampton Town Football Action Group" in his wallet following his assassination. What isn't clear is if these were the actions of a revolutionary, looking to bring on the downfall of the west or if a couple of afternoons spent on the Hotel End drove Oswald to pure insanity. I've read one theory which suggests the grassy knoll triggered flashbacks of looking out over the cricketside.
Harry and Meghan Falling out with Royal Family
Love or hate them, you cant deny, Harry and Meghan are huge box office players for us in the media. All was hunky dory for them and the other Royals initially. However, there are two big secrets regarding Althorp House, one is the true burial place of Princess Diana, which no one will ever tell you, apart from everybody you meet from Little Brington, the other is that while staying at his mother's ancestral home, Harry would sneak out incognito and go and watch home games up the road at the then PTS Academy Stadium. It's fair to say Harry and Meghan fell in love with the club and it wasn't too long before the two were getting their butler to book places on the Trust travel coach to away games.
And that appears to be where it all went wrong, Social media posts and articles written by other journalists I've regurgitated refer to Harry ruining dinners with the then Prince Charles harping on about the "German 50+1 model" and Megan boring Camilla to tears with her thoughts on safe standing. The final straw came in 2022, when Wills and Kate were stood up for dinner as the pair would rather meet with the Exeter City supporters trust about sustainable crowd funding models.
Getting Rid of the Good Ones On The Dukes of Hazzard
"You won't believe what TV Star looks like now!" is a common trope used in the journalism business and inviting readers to observe the passage of time and the aging of celebrities is legitimate, public interest news reporting.
However, TV viewers couldn't believe their eyes when the stars of their favourite 80s TV show were swapped overnight for similar yet cheap looking replacements and it's all the fault of you know who.
While on a European publicity tour back in the 80s, a certain senior Trust figure, journalist and possibly criminal mastermind possibly persuaded the original stars Tom Wopat and John Schneider to hold out for more money and better scripts, meaning a couple of inferior actors were drafted in while TV bosses struggled to deal with the situation.
Next Time: Fan Advisory Board unveil plans to deal with asteroid heading for earth.
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