Moderate the Boats!

NN9 Reform Councillor Plans To Project Hotel End Message Board Thread on To White Cliffs of Dover to Deter Small Boat Crossings.

It's the political hot topic that's got any right minded Cobblers fan foaming at the mouth while daubing piss poor red crosses on traffic markings around Northampton and now a local Reform Councillor has a unique solution to the problem.

Clyde Vivian (road to nowhere ward NN9) took a break from rambling endlessly on Facebook tying himself in knots attempting to prove he's not one of the racist ones to sample the views of the local football fans. 

"Admittedly most Cobblers fans are slightly right of the official Reform stance on most issues, but my party believes in freedom of speech (unless youre defending Gaza,trans people or challenging my views while I campaign close to a polling station on election day). But not only are these guys true Englishmen, they're also like me, incredibly tedious and above all pointless"

I have written to Reform PLC head office with an email which I'm sure our party leader will read if and when he's back at work, suggesting the HMS Sendthemback projects Hotel End discussion threads on the Supporters Trust on a constant loop on to the White Cliffs of Dover. 

Seeing the inane ramblings of the same 20 blokes will result in most small boats turning round back to France in desperation and in the event boats do cross I propose "Terry Fenwick Ate My Hamster mode" where an audio version of the long term Cobblers fan's endless contradictions is piped into migrant hotels. Migrants will fall into a deep sleep immediately and can be dispatched humanely back to their country of origin."

A Reform spokesperson said "Liebour and the Tories who we are nothing like despite having Andrea Jenkyns, Nadine Dorries and Lee Anderson on our books now, created this crisis and two tier Keir is too busy ordering domestic abusers to be arrested for patriotism. Only Reform can solve this problem and while slightly off the wall it's still less batshit than most of our policies."

Next Time: Belle Du Jour Holdings to appoint "50p Lee" to oversee Kevin Nolan's playing budget.